What Do You Crave?

1:38AM - Tonights reading...for Amanda

The Planetary Spread

but the first card I drew for Amanda alone. Although tarot rarely works that way, you can ask anything, but it will only tell you what you most need to hear, regardless of your question. Case in point, here is "amanda's card" which is all about Crave.

common themes this reading: Fertility, death, life and rebirth, Creativity, Nature as the goddess, AXIS, BEES, WATER Develop self worth based on who you are, not what you DO!

Force - 10 of wands - my odin card
You have taken on far too many commitments, and a sense of oppression weighs you down. Perhaps you are running a business that takes up every moment of your time, and you have too many things going on at once. you are not happy and you feel burdened. Any excitement you once had with your enterprise has now been stifled. and you have no time or energy for personal creativity or pleasure. Relinquish the self imposed responsibilities! learn to delegate, and leave things that don't need doing alone.

Moon - Home matters - The Chariot - 7
Agression must be tamed and controlled. Control of impulses by willpower. This is not to say tht instinctive primal impulse and raw talent should be suppressed, raither it is a matter of achieving the difficult balance of channeling them into achieving something sueful without destroying them You will have to use the strength of your will to overcome obstacles. you need to be determined, self disciplined, and hard working. if you are, you will triumph over any difficulties. The struggle will temper you and make you stronger. This is an important card for disabled people, you can rise above limitations, you just have to want it enough. On a deeper level, you must come to terms with your own agressive impulses. Agression is part of human nature, innate survival mechanism. it cant be suppressed, to do so will only turn it inward on yourself, where it will manifest into illness. Aggression can be very destructive but it is also a powerful energy that can be channeled creatively.

Mercury - business and skill - The Lady - 3
red, bees, cornucopia, abundance, mother nature as the goddess, crowned with stars, sun and moon in the sky together. fertility. creativity. the bringer of life, death, and rebirth. Mothering in its widest sense. you are a child of the earth and should take care of your environment. all the cycles of life are equally valid. all things have their season. recognize the time to act and the time to wait patiently for things to mature. this shows a susccessful phase of your life, full of beauty and pleasure. you may be expecting a child, or have begun a new creative project, relationships with family and friends are happy and loving. good health. great creativity and progress, especially if you coordinate with others.

The world Tree - 21 - Venus - love and relationships
The power of life over death. life. death. rebirth. - the snake. Align with the axis to be alligned with the universe. the successful completion of some venture, achieving something you worked hard for, the successful end of a cycle of events. you will be rewarded for all your efforts - its time to celebrate. This card may also indicate a JOURNEY, where an important lesson will be learned. reconciliation of opposites.


Initiation - 16 - Sun - fame and achievements
Labrynth...cauldron of rebirth and inspiration. death, renewal, rebirth...potions enabling you to experience visions and different levels of consciosness. HERB. A rite of passage to symbollically mark the transition from one period of life to another. this card says im embarking on a major life change. maybe from mom to grandmother. esisting relationships can reach new levels of happiness by taking time to understand and accept the feelings of your partner. Also a spiritual initiation. this is the dawn of awakening. balance and harmony derived from working with people in equal give and take.

5 of Swords - Defeat - Mars - Adversity and OPposition

two broken swords face three wholen ones, which they cannot defeat. you have taken on something beyond your present capabilities. Too meany obligations to fulfill to do any of them properly. It is no good complaining about how unfair it all is, you will have to swallow your pride and acknowledge defeat. you must accept your limitations and make an honest assessment of exactly waht is possible before you proceed. this can be a warning that a malicious gossip is working behind your back to turn friends against you. This person is a coward and wont say anything to your face. Spiritually you have to accept that at the present time you have limitations on what you understand and what you can do. you are trying to race too far ahead you need to assimilate what you have learned before you move on. are you trying to impose your half digested ideas on other people? you do not have the learning and authority to do this. accepting this isa a step on the road toknowledge. knowing who you are, where you are, and what you are capable of at the present time is true wisdom. Unblock your throat chakra. negativity attracts negativity. you expect bad things to happen so they do. act, think, and speak positively and you can change the situation. take responsibility for what happeens to you, when you stop blaming others for your failures can you begin to forge the life you want. throat chakra!

7 of discs - prudence - jupiter - gain and expression
gold..flying hallucinogenic ointment - the underworld and death - You are not prepared to work for what you want, you want to take a shortcut a get rich quick scheme that seems too good to be true is. invest in it and you will lose all your money. if you are hoping that gambling will improve your life, you will be disapointed. these pipe dreams are preventing you from putting in the time and effort you need to be successful. you may be neglecting a profitable occupation in favor of mirages that will provoke quarrels and earn you criticism. no shortcuts in life, you cant buy it or take it in a pill, you must earn it.

King of cups - water - Saturn - Restrictions
Water rules the emotions, feelings, intuitions, and psychic abilities. autumn, fullness and maturity, twilight and the direction of the west. water is life force in its fluid state, oceans, rivers, streams, lakes, pools, falling rain, life blood, uterine water, and even semen. explore your feelings and show your emotions. show your loyalty and constancy to some person or objective. be friendly and loveing. are you being cynical, self righteoous, do you have the feeling the whole world is against you and t hat everyone has an ulterior motive? perhaps you have been working too hard for a good caugse and neglecting yoruself.

last card - for amanda, but ended up for me
Rest - 4 of swords
you have gone through a period of great difficulty and now it is time to rest and gather your energy before you move on. you need quiet time alone so you can reflect on whathas happened to you and come to terms with it. it will be unhealthy to rush around, keeping busy with socializing. you need to rebuild your inner reserves beore you are ready to go out in the world again. now is not the time to make any definite plans. this could mean an important relationship ahs ended and your life must be rebuilt without it. serious quarrels have taken place and it is necessary to retreat from a situation to allow healing to take place. it is time to seek solitude, go to a tretreat, spend time alone in meditation. you cant work with others now.

Final - Dont look to others to supply what is lacking in yourself, rather then treating them as a seperate person, or it is doomed. you have been badly hurt and this has left its scars. you need to learn to be at epace with yourself. it is not the time yet tojoin a group or perform rituals.

12:37PM - Goodbye Pegi...Rest now my darling friend

Many of you know I disappeared about five months ago, and although I have missed everyone some things in life are just more important than anything else. One of my best friends in the world developed malignant brain cancer, glioblastoma, the most aggressive of all brain cancers.


I had the priveledge of being her primary caregiver and Pegi and I have spent almost every day together since she got sick, I am honored I got to be with her in her last days

She battled bravely through 4 brain surgeries before finally giving up treatment a few weeks ago. Pegi died in my arms with me and her wonderful brother Joe at 11:00 on July 5th, she was only 32 years old. She leaves behind two little boys who will need a lot of support, We are setting up the Pegi Chan Memorial fund at Washington Mutual bank in Camas. You can also donate through pay pal at welovepegi@yahoo.com. We will be holding a benefit at 15th St. Pub sometime in the next few weeks.


We are trying to raise money so the boys Dad can take time off work to stay home with them during this tragic time

Services will be on Tuesday at 4pm. If you know and love Pegi, or are touched by her story, please join us in a celebration of her life.




Browns funeral home
410 NE Garfield St
Camas, WA 98607
(360) 834-3692
Tuesday 4pm

This is Pegi when I first met her, how many of you may remember her...



Pegi during her happiest summer, last year


Pegi with her boys two days before she passed


Pegi and I in her last days....note the exhausted, tearful, mess that I am. What a crazy, terrible, yet beautiful time of my life. I have no regrets. She will be in my heart forever.

1:38PM - I've been Mia...a message for my friends

I've been MIA....a message for my friends.
Hey Gang,

I havent been online much lately and I appreciate all the messages of encouragement everyone has sent me.
It has been pretty crazy for the last two weeks and i havent been able to message anyone back, but I miss you all and I'll be back soon ;)

Most of you know that we lost our dear friend Heather Keating last week, and two days after her funeral my beautiful friend Pegi had to have her second brain surgery in less than four months.
I have been at the hospital since Friday and it's been an ordeal, but like she always says, we are kicking cancers ass seven days a week!

I'm leaving in half an hour to have surgery and I wont be able to talk for a couple days, but hopefully I will be able to jump online at some point and say hello.
Wish me luck, and go have a drink for me!

ooooh a drink. How nice that would be. I havent been able to have anything (including water!) since midnight last night.


Please keep my friend Pegi in your thoughts, and I hope all of you are happy, healthy, and laughing.


~Robin

1:51AM - Tonight was amazing

My friend Katie and I took my daughter Melody and her friend Chloe to see the Avett Brothers at the Crystal Ballroom. This is one of the best bands I have ever seen live and it was my daughters first "real" concert experience. It was sold out, but she practically CHARGED to the front, all the way pressed up against the stage, where these two little 8 years olds stayed for the whole show.

The look on her face was unforgettable when first Bob, the bass player and then Scott Avett reached down to shake her hand. I almost cried when she looked at me with these big huge eyes and said "Mom, I'm NEVER washing my hand!" They sang, screamed, and danced and lasted till the very last song and two encores.

This followed by a run for the bathroom, some free pizza and ice water, and a trip to Starbucks for (caffeine free!) strawberry frappacinos, and we ended up with two very tired, overly excited girls on the way home.

Now they are fast asleep and I'm waiting for Adam and Wade (Tallboy Shotgun!) who are not only two of my favorite people, but were also there tonight for the show.

Melody came straight home and wrote everything in her diary. I hope she never forgets tonight....I know I wont.

1:31AM - Writer's Block: *Lightbulb Goes Off*

I have recently discovered the power that your thoughts and emotions have in shaping your life, present and future. I realize that what I believed karma to be was actually twisted, I thought If I did so much for other people, they would love me and I would have good karma, good friends, a good life. I still believe that what you do comes back to you (karmically) but I also now believe that you create much of that yourself.

I was raised by negative, pessimistic, gossipy, mean, and sometimes abusive people. This is what I was taught and learned growing up. No matter how I tried to break away from that "mold" I became more and more what I said I would never be. I was drawn to needy, dramatic, and negative people who always required my 'help' which I was always more than willing to run out and give...at the expense of my family, and most often, myself. Protect myself karmically? hell no...I instead created a backwash of negative things, negative emotions. I always wondered what I must have done to deserve so many bad things to happen to me in my life, and I am finally realizing that I drew it to me. I thought so much about all the bad things that could happen, and how bad things were, and always what I didnt have, and so all that ever happened was bad. I learned to see the worst in everything. It has colored much of my relationships with friends and family. I'm only sorry it's taken me 34 years to figure it out. I might never have realized it if not for the gentle prodding of my partner and close friend Tim.

I am in charge of my life. What I do every day shapes my future. The people I choose to have around me, the feelings and emotions that I have.

An ephiphany? Probably one of the most important of my life.

I take back my life. I'm not going to be the helper, the Mother Hen, the one you call when your husband left you or you feel like killing yourself. I started looking back at my life and where were all these people that I helped? NONE OF THEM are still part of my life. They never gave back. Those kind of people never do. I dont want to be one of them any more.

I want to be eternally grateful for all the beautiful things in my life. I dont want to be a martyr, a complainer, always full of problems, and endlessly and unknowingly pushing the right people out of my life and allowing the wrong ones in.

I feel like the world has changed for me. It's like a fog has lifted and all this things that I always thought so much a part of me are falling away as I see the truth about myself. I'm not sure I like the raw, real me in the mirror. She needs ALOT of work, love, and honesty. The real kind, where you dont lie until you believe yourself.

11:18PM - tarot reading today

Under the influence of Death and Judgement your mind is very alert, and your intuition sharp and accurate. It would be unsurprising therefore if you came up with some truly original suggestions today, and it would be a great shame to let it go unnoticed. You have what it takes to work out a strategy that will give you more freedom, while at the same time providing better revenue or income. So, it's well worth giving it some thought.

5:47PM - Ever Changing

I’m starting to realize who the true people in my life are, troubled times have a way of bringing that to the surface. My life will be changing in so many ways this year, I have to be ready and I’m slowly preparing myself. I guess weeding out the false friends is the first place to start. How could I have been so blind? How could I love people so much when they dont even give a shit about me? I am obviously not a very good judge of character, and I need to work on that aspect of myself, among many other things.

I know this, I no longer want to surround myself with people who judge me, think they know JACK SHIT about my life, and send negative energy my way. I am closing my heart, and keeping only the people who have proven themselves to be real by sticking around, no matter what, instead of bailing on me at the first sign of trouble. My life has changed so much the past couple of months and so have my priorities.

One of my closests friends in the world became very sick this past couple of months, and I realize that I would rather be there for her then do anything else. The battle she is fighting makes everything else seem so petty in contrast. It makes me feel better to be around her, and she is the funniest, most enlightening, and radiant person that I know. She has always had a way of teaching me new things and nothing has changed about that now. Its funny how her situation has made me look at my life so differently and realize whats truly important. I want to spend time with her, my husband, and my daughters, work on my business, and let all else fall away.

The snow is falling outside, and my heart is heavy right now, but in the end I guess its better I find out the truth about things now before I keep putting my heart on the line.

4:29AM - Let It Be...

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, .....

4:31AM - Tonight

Tonight was fucking amazing

...and thats all, cuz I have to get up and make deadline by 11am.

I heart Across the Sun

9:54PM - He's here!

Last night was the most amazing birth experience I have ever seen. We were waiting anxiously and knew things were getting pretty close and than at 11:20 I was in the kitchen when I heard the baby cry. We rushed into the room and there he was, all 7lbs 8 oz of him, wide eyed and beautiful

Gage Allen Halverson

delivered and first held only by people that love him.

9:52PM - Excited!

So I'm at my partner Tim's house waiting for his baby to be born. I'm so honored to be a part of it. They are having their baby at home with no medical professionals, just them and their son and me. Jamie's water broke at about 1pm and she started having contractions around 2pm. We didnt expect the baby this early, we expected him the first week of January so we werent really prepared. I had two shows tonight, wills birthday and iflikt at Rock N Roll Pizza and the annual Dimebag memorial show that we are sponsoring. I had planned an after party for everyone, really my last party for a year since Amanda is coming home. Invited like 30 people, and i got the call at 1pm that her water broke and it was a mad rush to cancel everything and get to sellwood to tims house. I have been here since 4:30 and she has been laboring away, shes in the bath now but the contractions are stong and regular and I predict baby Gage will be here by midnight.

I'm so excited!!!!!

12:59AM - What are you thinking of?

( Read more... )

10:50PM - late night worries

The weirdest shit happens to me sometimes. Yesterday at 6am Melody woke me up screaming that there was a fire. I ran to the window and outside my driveway there is a car and a GUY on fire. I ran down the stairs into the kitchen, grabbed the fire extinguisher and ran outside bare foot to put him out. He was trying to help a lady, who poured gasoline onto her carburater and that caught the whole engine compartment on fire, he had gas on his hands and they caught fire, he tried to put them out on his shirt and that caught fire too. I put him out with the fire extinguisher and realized all of a sudden I couldnt walk, my left leg felt like i had a huge charlie horse in the calf. Then the lady is yelling at me to push her HALF TON truck UP a HILL. yeah right. so I waited till the ambulance got there for the guy and went back in my house, thinking it would go away. by the next morning it was worse and by today I was on crutches. I tore my calf musle. just what I needed right now! and on top of it the printer wouldnt print the back page ad because they disagreed with one of the pictures! for $6000 they should shut up and print what I tell them too! then we got the proofs today and the logo on the front was low resolution, which is a $100 change.

So we have it fixed and now we wait for the magazine to get here on October first, and then on Oct 2nd I have the biopsy on my throat. i tried to research it online and every time I put in "growth in esophagus" it comes back with cancer. They treat it with surgery and chemo but the survival rate is only 5% and it is considered incurable. I wish I had never looked it up, I am more scared now then I was before. I wish the 2nd was here so I could just get it over with.

I took a muscle relaxer for my leg and im about to fall onto my keyboard....so my ramblings for the night are over.

12:11AM - How Weird

You entered: Robin Renee Poore
There are 15 letters in your name.
Those 15 letters total to 93
There are 8 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

Your Soul Urge number is: 11

A Soul Urge number of 11 means:
With the 11 Soul Urge, much of your thinking and interests relate to the abstract, the spiritual, and utopian dreams. You are motivated toward idealistic concepts, and the sharing of your ideas and concepts with humanity. This number is not one that is giving in a material or a practical sense, but rather one who desires to help mankind with a more abstract commodity such as religion, spiritualism, occult studies, or even psychic abilities.

If you possess the positive 11 Soul Urge traits, you have a dream of the perfect world; you are highly idealistic and inspirational. Your inner strength and devotion to your beliefs are extremely strong. You have a very good mind that is especially well equipped to handle the higher, more abstract forms of thought.

If there is an excess of 11 energy in your makeup, you may possess some the negative 11 traits. There is a tendency for the 11 to produce considerable amounts of nervous tension which is bought on by a very high level of awareness. You may be too sensitive and overly emotional. In some cases, these sensitivities and emotions are quite repressed, and this tends to add even more to the sense of nervousness in the makeup.

The strong 11 is not a very practical person because of the extreme idealism; often, there is a degree of self-deception present. There is usually a rather fixed idea of right and wrong held by those showing strong 11 traits, and with this very often is a resulting attitude of inflexibility.

Your Inner Dream number is: 1

An Inner Dream number of 1 means:
You dream of being a leader and one who is in charge. You want to be known for your courage, daring, and original ideas. You seek unconquered heights. People may get a first impression that you are very aggressive and sure of yourself.

12:40AM - Bored

People Envy Your Energy

You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success. People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!

6:27AM - cant sleep

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

9:18PM - bored

Your Candy Heart Says "Cutie Pie"

You always seem to have a hot date, even though you never try to meet anyone. A total charmer, you have a natural appeal that keeps you in high demand. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: multiple dates with multiple people Your flirting style: 100% natural What turns you off: serious relationship talks Why you're hot: you're totally addicting

12:29AM - Friends

Everyone is doing this "last 10 comments" thing on myspace. I was number nine for my friend Britny, better known as the Flask Assasin. What she wrote made me feel....happy....grateful for her friendship....and ever so glad that I have this amazing circle of friends around me. Long live the fucking Portland crew.


Why are you friends with 9?
Dude, if u know Robin, then u know why. Shes amazing, positive, fun, funny, beautiful, smart, just an all around great, lovely, amazing person. I adore her.

12:34PM - Need a little help

"Just Feel Better"
(feat. Steven Tyler)

She said I feel stranded
And I can't tell anymore
If we coming or I'm going
It's not how I planed it
I've got the key to the door
But it just won't open

And I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
That life happens for a reason
I don't, I don't, I don't
It goes I never went before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything that just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything that just feel better

And I can't find my way
Girl I need a change
And I do anything that just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

She said I need you to hold me
I'm a little far from the shore
And I'm afraid of sinking
You're the only one knows me
And who doesn't ignore
That my soul is weeping

I know, I know, I know
Part of me says let it go
Everything must have it seasons
Round and round it goes
And every day's a one before
But this time, this time

I'm gonna try anything that just feels better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything that just feel better

And I can't find my way
God I need a change
And I do anything that just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

Long to hold you in my arms
To all things I ought to leave behind, yeah
It's really getting nowhere
I think I need a little help this time!

Yeah
[Guitar solo]

I'm gonna try anything that just feel better
Tell me what to do
You know I can't see through the haze around me
And I do anything that just feel better

And I can't find my way
Girl I need a change
And I do anything that just feel better
Any little thing that just feel better

12:26AM

Take the quiz:
Which guitar are you

B.C. Rich Warlock
You are a BC Rich Warlock. Its Gothic Shape and death metal sound have gotten it a good reputation with modern distortion enthusaists.

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